The last part, Part-9 (Never belittle love)

Six months had passed and yet her heart was in a wait for him.At first he used to call every alternate day which changed to every week and then months passed but he didn’t contact.Two months had passed since he had called and tonight,she was lying awake in her bed thinking about the happy times they had spent together when her phone’s screen started glowing.She picked up to see his name flashing across her phone’s screen.Her heart stopped.Her body went cold.At the same time,he was there in his room sitting on the floor,heavily drunk,sweating with nervousness as to what he would say once she picks up the call.Both of their hearts yearned to hear each other’s voice yet they were unsure what to say once they heard each other.She commanded herself not to answer his call but she knew that she did want to talk and moreover,she had already lost herself,to say any command over herself and so without giving a second thought she picked up.
“Hello?” she asked,her voice going all soft and tender.

“Hiee!H..H…H…How are you?” he asked,anxiously.

Me?I am miserable.I am incomplete.It seems as if my world has stopped.It appears as if I have lost myself somewhere in you and I am entirely changed now.I don’t like this new self of mine and want you to take me back to what I used to be.I want you to apologise and take me back in your world.This world here seems so meaningless to me.I have no idea why I am not trying to move on but that is because I have chosen not to move on.I want to live the love I have for you.Yes it’s not complete.Yes it might never be complete but just the thought that I am living for you,for my love makes me feel good.Inside I am shattered yet 6 months and I never allowed even a single person to see the tears that have been out of my eyes everyday,everynight.Six months and I never let anyone see craving in my eyes for you,the longing in my heart for you.Her heart screamed all this yet she couldn’t speak up,lost in the reminiscence of him.

“I am good.You tell?” she replied with great effort.

Me?I am finished.My world has ended.I am waiting for the day I gather enough courage to tell you I miss you and apologise to you.I never knew I could love someone as much as I loved you.I didn’t know it my life is you and now it has been taken away from me.My days are spent craving for you and nights are spent under the spell of alcohol.You had me changed.I want my oldself back.You took that away with you.Nothing seems even near ok these days.I want to have you back controlling me and making me realize and guiding me between the right and wrong.I want you to come and change me.I want to say all this to you yet I don’t know how to say.

“Even I am good.” he said.

Silence.

“How much have you drunk?” she asked painfully.She cringed to know that even today after so many months she knew his voice so well to differentiate just by hearing when he had drunk and when he hadn’t.Her heart pained to know that he had been drinking because of her.Tears brewed up in her eyes,her agony surfacing clearly in her voice.

“Just a little.” There was no point lying to her so he replied honestly.

“OK.Bye” she didn’t know whatever else to say because one more word and she would have broken down then and there in front of him.And she didn’t want to.She had been acting strong enough in front of the entire world and everything had changed for her.Her friends had changed,her life had changed,she had changed.She didn’t know what she was doing but she was happy knowing that she loved him and would continue to do so forever.
“No wait.Please!” he blurted out, “I really want to talk to you.I don’t know I have a feeling you might never talk to me after this.I don’t want this moment to end so soon.”

Tears had already started rolling out of her eyes and she couldn’t find any words to speak.With great efforts she managed to say, “You are not the person whom I knew anymore.You never valued me and never tried to even apologise.Had you really wanted me back,you would have apologized and won me but  you didn’t!And now,when things are over let them be over for once and all.Never should we contact each other ever again.Bye.” and she hanged up,cursing herself as her broken heart further split into more broken bits..She went numb after realizing what she had said.Her mind didn’t allow her to move and she sat there like a soul-less body staring into her phone while tears emerged and flowed and re-emerged.

As she said all that,he had gone emotionless. “I never valued her?I never loved her?I didn’t try and apologise?We should never contact again?What has she just said?All these months I had been living in the hope that one day my baby would come back to me.What have I done now!I made her go away from me!” he panicked and strided around in his room like a maniac not knowing what to say or do.I “I need to run away.I need to go take a break or I’ll kill myself.I need to run away from here for the moment” he shouted to himself banging his fist against the wall feeling helpless.He ran to the sitting room of his house where the car keys were kept.He took the key and ran to the parking,started the car and drove away.After roaming aimlessly on the empty streets for about half an hour at a speed of 120 he finally stopped.And cried.A helpless cry escaped from him.A feeling of defeat overtook him. “I need to tell her what she is to me.”

And so he took  out his phone and typed the following message:-

“I have to tell you all this today.I don’t know if ever again I would get a chance or not.It is such a strange thing that when you were with me I always used to think if I don’t value you?And today,when you are not there with me, I realize that I always valued you but the belief that you would never leave me had turned me blind.Who knew something like this could even happen!Me being separated from you  was as much impossible as you hating me.I am sitting here,drowned in your memories,in my eyes your pretty one dimpled smile,in front of me rests a beautiful picture of you looking at which I remember how everytime I pushed the strand of hair falling on your face behind your ear,they used to irritate you very much,right? :’)
I have activated fake call on my mobile with your name now.I start it and get very happy and when there is no one near me,just to feel you I even talk about a thing or two.I already know your answers na!Your bracelet,it remains tied to my hand now but yaa I have taken the trinklets out of it so that I can believe that you are present but never feel your presence.The stories you made up every night and made me hear them,and then you asking me softly “Baby,you slept?” you used to leave giving a goodnight kiss.WHEN you used to make me sleep,I used to sleep.Now that you don’t,it seems like my sleep has slept somewhere.My little baby,she had been lost somewhere in the crowd.Whenever I miss you badly,I hug my pillow very tightly but they never hug me back!

I don’t listen to songs now neither do I sing anymore.You are attached with everything,you live in everything.Somewhere in my heart,like an arrow you are stuck.These corridors haunt me where I used to come,standing below your balcony I used to call you.The corridors are still the same,but its just that the feeling has changed.That little corridor,it no more has any space for me.Just now I had found a reason to live but the life itself turned somewhere else.

I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU SOO MUCH.

I cry,I crave for you,always I keep on falling here and there.And no one even asks, “Baby you didn’t hurt yourself na?”.There is no one to care for me.And no one cares.Who would remind me now everytime to eat my breakfast?Who would now give a sweet yawn at every little thing in the night?Who would warn me now to not do anything stupid?Who would keep me awake the entire nights after watching horror movies?Who would shout soo loudly on the phone?Who would stop me from talking to strangers?Who would tell me the right and wrong at every action of mine?Who would wait for just one call of mine?Who would be my baby now?Whom do I love now?Whom would I protect now?You should have taken away yourself from me,but why did you snatch my baby from me?She’s very innocent.I know she is alive.She is alive somewhere in you but is bound by the chains of hatred for breaking which,she doesn’t have enough strength right now.Today,I break all my chains and ask you to come back.

Whatever I have done, I know I don’t deserve any forgiveness for it but everytime I have made a mistake,you have forgiven me.Just do it for this one last time.I am sorry.I am really very sorry.Please come back and live with me.Please!I am sorry.
I love you and would do so for the eternity,even after I die.”

Having poured out his heart,he now debated with himself for sending the message to her or not.His head had started spinning due to the effect of the alcohol.He prssed the send button and started his car.He started driving at the same speed of 120km/hr again trying to divert his mind from the mess his heart and mind were in.He knew she won’t forgive him still he kept checking his phone every alternative second.

Her phone’s screen had flashed again with the display notifying a message received.She knew it was his message and she didn’t want to read but yes she was longing to read it.She quickly grabbed the phone,wiped her tears which had disillusioned her vision and opened his message.There it was.All that she wanted to hear and all that she never expected him to say to her.It was all there on the screen poured out in that one message.The overwhelming feeling she had,she really was not sure what to do next.Should I call him or should I message?What do I do?I want him to know as soon as possible.I’ll message him.

As he had just kept his mobile back on the dashboard of the car,his screen flashed with a message from her.He bent forward and took up the phone in one hand.His head had started spinning already from the alcohol but yet he didn’t slow down and opened her message.

“I forgive you.I’ll love you forever. :’) “

He was lost in those last three words of her’s.His state of mind had made him forget he had his foot on the gas and he stepped on it a bit too much.Suddenly,he heard the horn of a car coming at a very fast speed towards him on the empty road and a truck followed beside the speeding car.He immediately applied the brakes and turned the steering to avoid the collision of the two cars but in the process he strayed on the next lane in which the truck was coming at a good speed.The truck couldn’t apply brakes on time and rammed into his car from the driver’s side.There was a deafening sound of the glasses of the car breaking and a shard of glass cut deep into his chest as blood started oozing out of his forehead and nose.He could hardly move his legs as they were squeezed in between the cardoor and dashboard.The car was completely wrecked from the driver’s side.Just then,the truck driver increased his speed and sped away from the scene while due to the sudden speeding of the truck,the car received a sudden jolt and his head jerked and hit the steering wheel so hard he lost consciousness.After lying in that state for about 4 hours,a car passing by saw the wrecked car and called the ambulance.15 minutes later the ambulance arrived.The hospital staff recovered him from the wrecked vehicle,all bruised and injured.They checked for his nerves,his heart was beating very slowly.They quickly laid him on the stretcher and took him inside the ambulance.The doctor present inside the ambulance was trying hard enough to make his heart beat at normal pace once again when his eyelids moved and he opened his eyes with all strength that he had left.The doctor started pushing injections into his hand when he spoke in a murmur,or rather pleaded,

“Doctor please save me.I have just been reborn a little time back.I don’t want to loose her again.I love her.Tell her that…” and he drifted off his speech as his eyes closed for the final time,bidding goodbye to the world in which they couldn’t unite,a tear dripping out of his left eye for he had no guilt left that he didn’t tell her what she meant.He was content she knew he loved her and today he was closing his eyes happily knowing she loved him.Only if he could have met her for even once…

And he died.

While she unaware of all this,she had slept holding the mobile in her hand waiting for his reply.As the morning sun’s rays fell upon her through the window of her room,she woke up to checking her phone for any call or message from him and a lot of commotion outside the door of her house,in the corridor,which was attached to his house.She was confused at first hearing the howls and cries of some ladies and so she went out and saw that people were dressed in white.She contemplated someone had died at his house.So this was why he couldn’t reply.I must go and check how is he doing.I ought to be there to support him.

As she took steps towards his house,a friend of his came to her.She saw his friend’s eyes were red.She asked him who had it been?

“you don’t know who it is inside the house lying dead?”His friend asked her.

“No.Please tell me who is it?Is he okay or has he even been crying very much?” she asked,sounding worried.

“He wont cry anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“He died.” His friend blurted out,bursting into tears.

“What?Someone has died and you are thinking of cracking jokes here!” she thundered,slapping his friend hard.

“I am serious.Go ahead.Ask someone else.”

She didn’t believe him.She ran to a group of ladies standing there and asked them who it was.She fell down on her knees there,the world disillusioning in front of her.The sinking feeling had grown into a giant wave  and she was completely submerged in it now.She was too stunned to react.Her mind could register only very faint voices speaking that the post mortem reports concluded traces of alcohol in his blood and death by car accident due to severe internal head injuries.

It is said when a calamity strikes you,it stuns your normal senses so much that emotions are held in check.And so did her’s.No tears came.Her friends came to her and took her to her home,where she finally hugged one of  them and broke down.She was beyond caring.After a long time,her friends asked her to come with them to his house and see him for the last time.She refused.

“I shall not see his dead,bruised body.I have seen him when he was alive and well and those shall be my last memories.” She said.She hated herself for that.Yet she couldn’t bring herself to go

She had been preparing herself to go to the world where he was now when that evening,when the funeral procession was over,her doorbell rang.She snailed her way to the door.As she opened,she saw the policeman standing at the door.

She asked him what he wanted.He handed out the blackberry to her.She freezed.

“I know it belonged to him child.And I asked the doctor what to do with it.He told me that he had asked the doctor to tell you that he loved you before dying.And this phone.I had to check it for case issues and saw your last message.I had to give this back to you.I didn’t want to hand it to his parents.” The policeman explained himself.

“But how did you know it was me he had talked about?” she asked,stammering,tears brewed up in her yes.

“Because no one had the love for him in his eyes the way you did.I could see him in your eyes.Take this.And be strong.Take care.” He said and left.

She closed the door,wiped her tears,saw his message saying “I’ll love you even after I die. “

She half smiled,half cried and said “I’ll live you  and your love.”

And she told herself, “Never belittle love.”

 Author:Shu