From the soul..

The last part, Part-9 (Never belittle love)

Six months had passed and yet her heart was in a wait for him.At first he used to call every alternate day which changed to every week and then months passed but he didn’t contact.Two months had passed since he had called and tonight,she was lying awake in her bed thinking about the happy times they had spent together when her phone’s screen started glowing.She picked up to see his name flashing across her phone’s screen.Her heart stopped.Her body went cold.At the same time,he was there in his room sitting on the floor,heavily drunk,sweating with nervousness as to what he would say once she picks up the call.Both of their hearts yearned to hear each other’s voice yet they were unsure what to say once they heard each other.She commanded herself not to answer his call but she knew that she did want to talk and moreover,she had already lost herself,to say any command over herself and so without giving a second thought she picked up.
“Hello?” she asked,her voice going all soft and tender.

“Hiee!H..H…H…How are you?” he asked,anxiously.

Me?I am miserable.I am incomplete.It seems as if my world has stopped.It appears as if I have lost myself somewhere in you and I am entirely changed now.I don’t like this new self of mine and want you to take me back to what I used to be.I want you to apologise and take me back in your world.This world here seems so meaningless to me.I have no idea why I am not trying to move on but that is because I have chosen not to move on.I want to live the love I have for you.Yes it’s not complete.Yes it might never be complete but just the thought that I am living for you,for my love makes me feel good.Inside I am shattered yet 6 months and I never allowed even a single person to see the tears that have been out of my eyes everyday,everynight.Six months and I never let anyone see craving in my eyes for you,the longing in my heart for you.Her heart screamed all this yet she couldn’t speak up,lost in the reminiscence of him.

“I am good.You tell?” she replied with great effort.

Me?I am finished.My world has ended.I am waiting for the day I gather enough courage to tell you I miss you and apologise to you.I never knew I could love someone as much as I loved you.I didn’t know it my life is you and now it has been taken away from me.My days are spent craving for you and nights are spent under the spell of alcohol.You had me changed.I want my oldself back.You took that away with you.Nothing seems even near ok these days.I want to have you back controlling me and making me realize and guiding me between the right and wrong.I want you to come and change me.I want to say all this to you yet I don’t know how to say.

“Even I am good.” he said.

Silence.

“How much have you drunk?” she asked painfully.She cringed to know that even today after so many months she knew his voice so well to differentiate just by hearing when he had drunk and when he hadn’t.Her heart pained to know that he had been drinking because of her.Tears brewed up in her eyes,her agony surfacing clearly in her voice.

“Just a little.” There was no point lying to her so he replied honestly.

“OK.Bye” she didn’t know whatever else to say because one more word and she would have broken down then and there in front of him.And she didn’t want to.She had been acting strong enough in front of the entire world and everything had changed for her.Her friends had changed,her life had changed,she had changed.She didn’t know what she was doing but she was happy knowing that she loved him and would continue to do so forever.
“No wait.Please!” he blurted out, “I really want to talk to you.I don’t know I have a feeling you might never talk to me after this.I don’t want this moment to end so soon.”

Tears had already started rolling out of her eyes and she couldn’t find any words to speak.With great efforts she managed to say, “You are not the person whom I knew anymore.You never valued me and never tried to even apologise.Had you really wanted me back,you would have apologized and won me but  you didn’t!And now,when things are over let them be over for once and all.Never should we contact each other ever again.Bye.” and she hanged up,cursing herself as her broken heart further split into more broken bits..She went numb after realizing what she had said.Her mind didn’t allow her to move and she sat there like a soul-less body staring into her phone while tears emerged and flowed and re-emerged.

As she said all that,he had gone emotionless. “I never valued her?I never loved her?I didn’t try and apologise?We should never contact again?What has she just said?All these months I had been living in the hope that one day my baby would come back to me.What have I done now!I made her go away from me!” he panicked and strided around in his room like a maniac not knowing what to say or do.I “I need to run away.I need to go take a break or I’ll kill myself.I need to run away from here for the moment” he shouted to himself banging his fist against the wall feeling helpless.He ran to the sitting room of his house where the car keys were kept.He took the key and ran to the parking,started the car and drove away.After roaming aimlessly on the empty streets for about half an hour at a speed of 120 he finally stopped.And cried.A helpless cry escaped from him.A feeling of defeat overtook him. “I need to tell her what she is to me.”

And so he took  out his phone and typed the following message:-

“I have to tell you all this today.I don’t know if ever again I would get a chance or not.It is such a strange thing that when you were with me I always used to think if I don’t value you?And today,when you are not there with me, I realize that I always valued you but the belief that you would never leave me had turned me blind.Who knew something like this could even happen!Me being separated from you  was as much impossible as you hating me.I am sitting here,drowned in your memories,in my eyes your pretty one dimpled smile,in front of me rests a beautiful picture of you looking at which I remember how everytime I pushed the strand of hair falling on your face behind your ear,they used to irritate you very much,right? :’)
I have activated fake call on my mobile with your name now.I start it and get very happy and when there is no one near me,just to feel you I even talk about a thing or two.I already know your answers na!Your bracelet,it remains tied to my hand now but yaa I have taken the trinklets out of it so that I can believe that you are present but never feel your presence.The stories you made up every night and made me hear them,and then you asking me softly “Baby,you slept?” you used to leave giving a goodnight kiss.WHEN you used to make me sleep,I used to sleep.Now that you don’t,it seems like my sleep has slept somewhere.My little baby,she had been lost somewhere in the crowd.Whenever I miss you badly,I hug my pillow very tightly but they never hug me back!

I don’t listen to songs now neither do I sing anymore.You are attached with everything,you live in everything.Somewhere in my heart,like an arrow you are stuck.These corridors haunt me where I used to come,standing below your balcony I used to call you.The corridors are still the same,but its just that the feeling has changed.That little corridor,it no more has any space for me.Just now I had found a reason to live but the life itself turned somewhere else.

I MISS YOU.I MISS YOU SOO MUCH.

I cry,I crave for you,always I keep on falling here and there.And no one even asks, “Baby you didn’t hurt yourself na?”.There is no one to care for me.And no one cares.Who would remind me now everytime to eat my breakfast?Who would now give a sweet yawn at every little thing in the night?Who would warn me now to not do anything stupid?Who would keep me awake the entire nights after watching horror movies?Who would shout soo loudly on the phone?Who would stop me from talking to strangers?Who would tell me the right and wrong at every action of mine?Who would wait for just one call of mine?Who would be my baby now?Whom do I love now?Whom would I protect now?You should have taken away yourself from me,but why did you snatch my baby from me?She’s very innocent.I know she is alive.She is alive somewhere in you but is bound by the chains of hatred for breaking which,she doesn’t have enough strength right now.Today,I break all my chains and ask you to come back.

Whatever I have done, I know I don’t deserve any forgiveness for it but everytime I have made a mistake,you have forgiven me.Just do it for this one last time.I am sorry.I am really very sorry.Please come back and live with me.Please!I am sorry.
I love you and would do so for the eternity,even after I die.”

Having poured out his heart,he now debated with himself for sending the message to her or not.His head had started spinning due to the effect of the alcohol.He prssed the send button and started his car.He started driving at the same speed of 120km/hr again trying to divert his mind from the mess his heart and mind were in.He knew she won’t forgive him still he kept checking his phone every alternative second.

Her phone’s screen had flashed again with the display notifying a message received.She knew it was his message and she didn’t want to read but yes she was longing to read it.She quickly grabbed the phone,wiped her tears which had disillusioned her vision and opened his message.There it was.All that she wanted to hear and all that she never expected him to say to her.It was all there on the screen poured out in that one message.The overwhelming feeling she had,she really was not sure what to do next.Should I call him or should I message?What do I do?I want him to know as soon as possible.I’ll message him.

As he had just kept his mobile back on the dashboard of the car,his screen flashed with a message from her.He bent forward and took up the phone in one hand.His head had started spinning already from the alcohol but yet he didn’t slow down and opened her message.

“I forgive you.I’ll love you forever. :’) “

He was lost in those last three words of her’s.His state of mind had made him forget he had his foot on the gas and he stepped on it a bit too much.Suddenly,he heard the horn of a car coming at a very fast speed towards him on the empty road and a truck followed beside the speeding car.He immediately applied the brakes and turned the steering to avoid the collision of the two cars but in the process he strayed on the next lane in which the truck was coming at a good speed.The truck couldn’t apply brakes on time and rammed into his car from the driver’s side.There was a deafening sound of the glasses of the car breaking and a shard of glass cut deep into his chest as blood started oozing out of his forehead and nose.He could hardly move his legs as they were squeezed in between the cardoor and dashboard.The car was completely wrecked from the driver’s side.Just then,the truck driver increased his speed and sped away from the scene while due to the sudden speeding of the truck,the car received a sudden jolt and his head jerked and hit the steering wheel so hard he lost consciousness.After lying in that state for about 4 hours,a car passing by saw the wrecked car and called the ambulance.15 minutes later the ambulance arrived.The hospital staff recovered him from the wrecked vehicle,all bruised and injured.They checked for his nerves,his heart was beating very slowly.They quickly laid him on the stretcher and took him inside the ambulance.The doctor present inside the ambulance was trying hard enough to make his heart beat at normal pace once again when his eyelids moved and he opened his eyes with all strength that he had left.The doctor started pushing injections into his hand when he spoke in a murmur,or rather pleaded,

“Doctor please save me.I have just been reborn a little time back.I don’t want to loose her again.I love her.Tell her that…” and he drifted off his speech as his eyes closed for the final time,bidding goodbye to the world in which they couldn’t unite,a tear dripping out of his left eye for he had no guilt left that he didn’t tell her what she meant.He was content she knew he loved her and today he was closing his eyes happily knowing she loved him.Only if he could have met her for even once…

And he died.

While she unaware of all this,she had slept holding the mobile in her hand waiting for his reply.As the morning sun’s rays fell upon her through the window of her room,she woke up to checking her phone for any call or message from him and a lot of commotion outside the door of her house,in the corridor,which was attached to his house.She was confused at first hearing the howls and cries of some ladies and so she went out and saw that people were dressed in white.She contemplated someone had died at his house.So this was why he couldn’t reply.I must go and check how is he doing.I ought to be there to support him.

As she took steps towards his house,a friend of his came to her.She saw his friend’s eyes were red.She asked him who had it been?

“you don’t know who it is inside the house lying dead?”His friend asked her.

“No.Please tell me who is it?Is he okay or has he even been crying very much?” she asked,sounding worried.

“He wont cry anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“He died.” His friend blurted out,bursting into tears.

“What?Someone has died and you are thinking of cracking jokes here!” she thundered,slapping his friend hard.

“I am serious.Go ahead.Ask someone else.”

She didn’t believe him.She ran to a group of ladies standing there and asked them who it was.She fell down on her knees there,the world disillusioning in front of her.The sinking feeling had grown into a giant wave  and she was completely submerged in it now.She was too stunned to react.Her mind could register only very faint voices speaking that the post mortem reports concluded traces of alcohol in his blood and death by car accident due to severe internal head injuries.

It is said when a calamity strikes you,it stuns your normal senses so much that emotions are held in check.And so did her’s.No tears came.Her friends came to her and took her to her home,where she finally hugged one of  them and broke down.She was beyond caring.After a long time,her friends asked her to come with them to his house and see him for the last time.She refused.

“I shall not see his dead,bruised body.I have seen him when he was alive and well and those shall be my last memories.” She said.She hated herself for that.Yet she couldn’t bring herself to go

She had been preparing herself to go to the world where he was now when that evening,when the funeral procession was over,her doorbell rang.She snailed her way to the door.As she opened,she saw the policeman standing at the door.

She asked him what he wanted.He handed out the blackberry to her.She freezed.

“I know it belonged to him child.And I asked the doctor what to do with it.He told me that he had asked the doctor to tell you that he loved you before dying.And this phone.I had to check it for case issues and saw your last message.I had to give this back to you.I didn’t want to hand it to his parents.” The policeman explained himself.

“But how did you know it was me he had talked about?” she asked,stammering,tears brewed up in her yes.

“Because no one had the love for him in his eyes the way you did.I could see him in your eyes.Take this.And be strong.Take care.” He said and left.

She closed the door,wiped her tears,saw his message saying “I’ll love you even after I die. “

She half smiled,half cried and said “I’ll live you  and your love.”

And she told herself, “Never belittle love.”

 Author:Shu

Part -8

As the silence of the night took over,he sat there alone on the terrace,his memories as well as the reality haunting him when his phone rang.The song started to play which he had as his ringtone and that song brought with it the beautifully painful memories of her with it.It set working another part if his brain completely reserved for her.That song which played.That night when he had sung it for her.That moment when she had gone red blushing and her cute smile that glowed on her face.That sudden hug she had given him.That smell of her's which he loved.That feeling he had having her wrapped in his arms.Tears brewed up in his eyes and he wanted to run,go back to her and fall down on his knees.But first he had the phone to deal with.He took out the phone to see who was calling and saw her name on the screen.His heart skipped it's beat.A new hope had risen in his heart.He started thinking maybe she was ready to forgive him and was calling to sort this mess out.His train of thoughts were interrupted as the song started for the second time.With shivering hands,he touched the green button on his phone.
"Hello" he said,his voice shivering and he ,trying the best to hide the pain in his voice.
"Go back home." she ordered sternly.
"I am at home."
"Fool someone else.Your mom has been calling up at everyone's to ask for you.Your phone was unreachable.Go home."
"You want me to go home?"
"It never mattered what i wanted so why now!Just go."
"I'll go.I am sorr..."
She had already hanged up.His heart smiled.It seemed as if his heart had won the battle between the mind and the heart.Yes.She did care still and she would never stop.His heart was shouting this to his mind.See!i was right.Our love isn't so weak to make us stop loving or caring for each other even though the circumstances force us to.Yes!Yes!Yes!
He ran down to his home.As he entered his house,he saw his mother distressed and worried,leaning over the phone.As she saw him coming,her face was flushed with relief and she ran upto him.
"Where the hell have you been?" she shouted.
"I don't know.I have some work to do.I'm going to my room."
"You cannot just leave like this without answering me!I have been hell worried searching like mad for you.Wherever were you?Answer me now.This is no way to run away from things!"
"Oh really?Why these values are supposed to be followed by me only?When you can run away from responsibilities then why not me?When you can ignore me then why not me?When everytime its running away from problems then why not this time?" he shouted back and entered his room banging close the door behind him.
Once inside the room he didn't have any idea in the world as to what to do?He badly wanted to call her up and talk to her to release all this held within him but he knew he had lost this moment too.Moreover,his ego didn't allow him to say sorry for another time as it might go unheard again.
He sat down on his bed,opened his laptop and played his playlist of songs that had some or the other memories of him and her attached to it while her pictures displayed on his screen in a slideshow.
He discovered new boundaries that entire night staring at that screen analysing everything between her and him and their.He had got his love attached to her in such a way that he was no more what he used to be like.She had changed him for the good.From that day,he decided,his reason to live was her.His reason to die would be her.
He couldn't faithfully commit to her love.Now,he promised to commit himself faithfully to the incomplete love of their's.
Next morning he woke up and saw that he had received a text from that girl who had been the reason for his spoilt life today.She had messaged him asking him to spend some time with her again but this time,he was sensible enough to reply her curtly telling her that whatever happened was a mistake and he would never repeat it again and so she should never ever approach him ever again.After that what she replied back he didn't know as when her reply came without even a read he deleted the message and blocked her.
His mind was fully occupied with the thought of his love.How had she been through the night?He really wanted to know if she was alright or not.His heart demanded him to call her up while his ego told him to keep the phone back.Staring at the phone screen,gathering courage he finally called her.He knew she wouldn't pick the call and she didn't.He called again.No answer.He tried for the third time.This time she picked up.Silence on both ends.
"I came home yesterday after you called." he said,informing like a small child informs his mother after completing the task given to him by his mother.
"Ok" she said,as straight away as she could possibly.Her eyes had already filled up.Her heart was shouting to him to say sorry to her.She wanted to forgive him soo badly.All she was waiting for was a sorry.Please please please say sorry and i'll forgive.The entire yesterday night i had been awake making myself come to this decision of forgiving you whenever you apologise.Please say sorry and i'll love you all the more than i do now.She waited quietly on the phone not saying even a single word that her heart was shouting.
He just wanted her to speak.All he wanted  was to hear her melting voice.Not knowing what more to speak,he blurted out, "I want you back."
Silence.
"I know what i did was wrong.Just come back now.I can't live such a life."
She was now waiting with high hopes for him to say sorry any moment now.
"You just saw the half of it.You have no idea what had happened before that with me!The inner turmoil that i had been going through.You won't even understand.You just saw one thing and you accused me of cheating you.Did you try asking me the reason?Did you even try to make me understand my mistake?You just left.How could you leave me that way?I loved you.You should have given me a chance to explain atleast.To apologise atleast.You didn't." and so now,he had resorted to his old habit and turned the tables on her.Now,it was she who was guilty.
Listening to all this,her weak heart was shocked.What is he saying?My mistake i didn't let him explain?Ok.Maybe i didn't but nothing in the world can justify his action and that is for sure.And i am giving you a chance to apologise now.Please do.Please!
She remained silent.He thought he had spoken too much and so he said bye and hanged up.Idiot!What did you just do?Shifted the enitre blame on her?Don't you know how to say a simple sorry?Why do you behave this way to her?These questions lingered on for a long time in his mind.
As the phone hanged up,she was sure disappointed yet she told herself she'll wait for him till the day he comes and apologises.And so the wait began as the days turned into weeks and weeks into months.

First aid vs destiny

“There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them.”
                                                   - Nicholas Sparks (Message in a Bottle)
And some of these winds enter our lives with the fury of a storm. I assure you that Nicholas Sparks would have you believe in that too. Now I don’t say this to sound poetic at all. I am merely stating the truth. Nowhere does the truth make itself more perceptible, than in times of crises – like in this one instance.

Jim Davidson and Mike Price were hiking buddies, who decided in the summer of ’92 that they would summit the Mt. Rainier through a difficult, deserted route instead. What they didn’t realize was that they would be climbing the steps to Mike’s funeral. They were slowly making their way uphill when a snow bridge on the isolated route collapsed, an enormous avalanche exploded above head and just like that, the two of them plummeted 80 feet below – straight into a glacial crevasse. Buried way too deep in the snow, Mike was clearly dying. And Jim couldn’t do anything except try to keep him warm using his gloves and boots, and give him company, while trying to get out of the snow himself. He managed, but now he had a difficult decision to make – try to save himself, or stay with Mike and die of frostbite. He chose the former. Though he survived, he carried that survivor’s guilt for ages. What if he had stayed? Could he have done anything about Mike’s condition, other than the basic first aid possible? In the end, it all came down to that one undeniable thing – destiny. He’d done everything in his power but he knew Mike had death written in his fate. And today, there’s only acceptance. Jim has moved on and climbed many - a – hills since, staring destiny confidently in its face every time
.
Yes, we sometimes fear the unexpected. But I know there is no way to avoid the pain that we must go through to find the other half - the truth. Because in the end, destiny is what we all seek.
I believe that whatever life puts us through and whatever we face is not entirely in our hands, but in what we are destined to end up with. We have all heard people saying “no matter what happened in my life, here I was destined to be.” It is absolutely true that no matter how hard u try to push destiny away, u can't really change what’s written in your fate. In a similar fashion, our end is not always in our hands but what has already been written by the Almighty. I do not say that one should follow the path where he has to passively surrender to fate. But dear fellow mates, all we can do is try and not give up the fight. Here’s a very simple question for you all. What will you bequeath your blame onto, in the eventuality that a person dies before reaching the hospital? First-aid, or just fate? For me it is entirely fate, for there are a lot of things that science cannot explain. Sometimes no matter how good the treatment is, the patient simply cannot make it because there is stuff that goes beyond the sciences. But we must remember that if the Creator planned our destiny, he also permeated immense courage into our souls. So we can fight out an ordeal. But just in case we can’t, He also gave us the courage to face the consequences – and to move on.

In the end, I would like to emphasize my point by saying that first aid is an open choice – I know most people always take it. But our destiny is ‘our’ future – like a forked road in the poem “The Road Not Taken”. It’s still a choice to make. But with destiny, you could never tell where the road leads you…because only time can do that …

Lots of love,
Author 'Div'

Part-7 (inner call)

Standing there on the boundarywall,the thin line drawn between his life and death,her thought came to his mind.Wasn’t all that had happened already enough for her to take that I should be giving her heart something more to ache for?Hasn’t she already suffered?Should I just end it all like this without even an apology to her?I have already done more than required for her to be hating me but then definitely,as much as I know my baby,her heart would never let her hate me or stop caring for me.She would be the most grieved about my death.No one in the world would be affected as much as she would be,not even my own parents and I know that.An inside voice asked him if it was not all that he already knew.That he knew no matter how many mistakes he did she would be forgiving him always and so he went on committing more and more mistakes.He was guilty no doubt for his actions.Moreover,why was he even thinking to withdraw  now from jumping.What was left for him to live for?She was gone.His parents?Those parents who had no time to even tolerate each other,let alone him.Who fought every single day and then made him the soft target for them to vent their anger out on?Those parents who were not able to handle their marriage,forget about him?The thought of his parents made him go red in face with anger,tears rushing out of his eyes.For the first time in his entire life,he finally admitted he was not strong enough.He was broken on the inside no matter whatever he tried to show on the outside.He did not want to leave today without telling her that she is the only one who really belonged to him and to whom he belonged.No one else was there for him.No,today he was not going to quit.Enough of running away from problems.Not now!He got down carefully from the boundarywall onto the terrace,his legs shaking and making him go all weak enough to not be able to take the weight of his own body.Leaning his back against the boundarywall of the terrace and hugging his knees to his chest,he sat down and cried for the first time in what seemed to him like 10 years.That day,not only did he cry but the child in him whom he had suppressed long,long ago burst out with him.The child who had craved for love all his life,longed for an affectionate smile or a gesture from his parents that would assure him that yes,they cared for him,cried helplessly trapped within him.

Brain is like a closed album.All memories stay there in some corner forgotten but once it is opened,they come surging in bringing with it all the pains and joys of the past.The same was happening today with him.He had been acting strong for quite a lot of time.Today,he had finally given up.He had no strength left in him anymore to pretend things to be alright.One part of him was very angry with him for letting all his emotions surge out like this,crying like a baby.He felt angry for breaking his promise to himself.At the age of 7 itself,when he had grown mature enough to understand the tension between his parents and to understand that they had no time or love for him,he was a mere burden they had been carrying off because they were bound to carry,he had retreated from their lives and they both barely noticed how he had withdrawn into his shell.The only communication he had ever had with them from that time used to be for basic needs such as money,food,cloth etc.Nothing beyond that exceeded their conversations.Every night,his memories reminded him,how he had slept hearing altercations between his parents.How he,the little child used to be scared at night hearing them shout yet was never comforted by his father assuring him that there was nothing to be scared of.He remembered how every night he wept feeling scared yet never did his mother come to console him.The distance from his parents that he had maintained and the bitter relationship between his parents had killed him entirely on the inside yet he had lived like a hero on the outside never allowing anyone to see his weakside.Then,she had come and he had fallen for her.Just for once,his life had started to have a whole new beginning for him.She had talked to him into the day and night whenever he felt low,she had protected him from the world fighting with them,defending him.She had cared for him like a mother.She had loved him like no one ever did.And he had finally found his solace in her.She had become his family.Until today,of course.The thought of her absence in his life made him weep and yowl.

The sun had started to set and the dusk descended,his wails and cries filling the silence of the evening.His mind refreshed the happenings of the evening before that fateful night.He recalled coming back home,entering his home to the same old arguments between his father and mother.When he had sat on his bed,he had heard them both coming to his room and announcing about their divorce.He remembered how his father had snapped at him,cursing him and his mother to be the reason for his spoilt life and had left the house,the door banging behind.His mother had sat their waiting for him to react.He had been unable to think of any other way to reply so he had just looked at his mother and said “that is completely ok with me.” And he had ran out of the house.He himself didn’t know why he had been feeling so bad about this divorce but yes he had been feeling terrible knowing his little detached family was coming apart now.It shouldn’t have bothered him because they never thought about him but only themselves and so he should have ignored it all yet all this ached him in the heart a lot.No matter how much his parents had fought,at the end of the day he had them with him in the same house.He hated them,no doubt but the love that his inner child had for his parents had obviously brewed up that day and that little child,not able to take anymore had ran away,away from that depressing world of his.

He had ran up and up to the terrace in frustration fighting hard against his tears not wanting to let them spill out.When he had finally reached the terrace,he had seen that girl,a friend of his sitting there on the terrace surrounded by bottles of alcohol and trash of half-smoken cigarettes.Seeing him,she had called him to join her.Frustrated,he had been in a dire need to release all that which had been held within him.He had gone forward and picked up a bottle.As his lips had touched the neck of the bottle,he had been reminded of his promise to her to not drink ever without her knowing.All his mind had told him at that time was to fuck all promises.Who had ever followed them in his life that he should? And he had finished 3 bottles altogether.His mind had started losing senses owing to the effect of alcohol.He had then borrowed the cigarette from that girl and puffed rings of smoke,constantly knowing that he had been violating another one of his promise to her.He had puffed and he had drunk and then that girl had tried to make him do something and she had finally succeeded as he had slid his hand around her waist and pulled her closer and kissed.

Today,being reminded of his action,his entire body felt a chill run down through his veins.How had I been so careless?Why had I been careless?My life,my precious love has been lost  today because of my actions.Couldn’t have I controlled myself?Why?Just why is all this happening to me? ,he repeated these questions to himself between his sobbings,his emotions a mix  of regret,guilt,pain and anger.He continued to sit down there on the terrace crying helplessly today letting it all out for once,accepting his defeat for once and allowing himself to break down as the evening transformed into the dark night,the night sky emitting a faint light of stars.

Queen movie

A lesson I learnt well today is to never judge a book by it’s cover.Kangana ranaut, an indian actress, has been one the most underrated actresses.Yet she did prove herself this time.I saw the newly released movie Queen and what a marvelous movie it is.Deeply moving and thoroughly enjoyable,it is a journey of a girl who has her fiancé breaking up with her just 3 days before marriage yet she doesn’t give up to the situation.Rani,a simple middle class family girl,with a dream of honeymoon like any other girl ,embarks on a self discovering journey to the honeymoon locations that had been booked already by her for them to go after marriage.Paris and Amsterdam.It beautifully teaches that people all over the world maybe divided by boundaries but are all united by a common bond of emotion.It imparts that open yourself to the world and the world would welcome you with open arms full of love.In Paris,she finds an amazing friend in a girl who is entirely different from her in her ethics and values,in her way of living but still she succeeds in understanding Rani  like no one ever could back in india.Leaving Paris,she goes to Amsterdam and discovers new bonds of friendship and love with other people.Beautifully directed and with an amazing performance by Kangana Ranaut,the story entertains you and grips you till the end.

A very nice message from the film-For all those who lost themselves,felt timid owing to their relationship with their partners and continuous corrections and nagging from them,this story will tell you that you are worth something they don’t deserve to have.So breakfree,step out and rediscover yourself. J

Do go and watch.

Author-Shu

Voices in my head

The voices in my head have a life of their own. But where did these voices come from and why is it getting so hard to make them quiet? Why are these voices taking over my senses? Why this clash between heart and mind today? Or is it just a reality check?

There are no answers.

The fact is that sometimes these voices are a lot of self-judgements. Hence, it becomes nearly impossible to push them away. Sometimes, we all need to face the TRUTH- which comes as a gracing shower and washes away the layers of deceptiveness that we have been carrying all this while.

Unfortunately, the truth that the voices in my head were trying to bring in front of me today was very bitter. It was as awful as it could be. My all-time positive and happy-go-lucky attitude was being questioned today. They constantly hit me and forced me to doubt if I am genuinely happy or do I simply try to cover the pain of unreciprocated love? Has this huge smile of mine always been there so that I could fit in with the people around? I was completely baffled. Too much negativity hitting upon me made me feel terrible and left me bewildered.
I took a pause.

After an hour of deep conversation with my inner self and continuous trials to unshackle myself from this mental fatigue, I realised how dissatisfied I have been from the people and things around me all this while and how much fake attitude I have beholden. Tears paved their way. The songs of optimism that I keep singing are not out of true bliss but out of the shattered pieces of my emotions. The grief of disintegration had risen to a degree where it required false satisfaction and cheerfulness. All these miserable feelings left me downhearted and I sat on my bean bag frozen.

Loads of love,
Author 'Div'